OK Magazine and Cream Cakes

Rainy today, not neccesarily a bad thing as I was planning to do some outside exercise today and I can use it as an excuse if I don't want to go.
Today I have no children, I have just done a bumper shop at Tesco and managed to put three paperbacks, two body moisturisers, one face moisturiser, OK Magazine, two cream apple turnovers and some perfume in the trolley. Actually feeling a bit bad about that now as am meant to be reining in the spending.
Got home to find a big dog poo right outside my front gate, maybe someone does not like me and trained their dog to do that or maybe somebody actually just let their dog do that and thought "ah, well" and just carried on up the road. Not sure which is worse.
So, next thing to do is the cleaning of the house and after that is the exercise and then is the cleaning, exfoliating, depilation and moisturing of the self. I am modelling for a life class tonight and it is the first time I have done it when I am not pregnant. Suprising how much my body has changed over the last five years, After my first pregnancy I was just a bit bigger and carried more weight in the area between my hips and waist. After this pregnancy my tummy is slack and round and my breasts are lower. Maybe cream cakes are not the answer.
Exercise I think - rain or no rain!

back to all that

I am now returned from my short break, we did sleeping in, staying up late and windsurfing, t'was good. Missed the kids though, honest! I would write more about where we have been but I am scared that if everyone found out about it then they would all go and we wouldn't be able to go anymore. It is the sort of place where you can cook on a fire, sing at the top of your voice and go skinny dipping (I didn't - it is April) and nobody would know because you cannot see another living soul!
Lovely to see the boys on our return, little one sr. was bound to be enthusiastic (he knows we bring gifts when we go away!) but little one jr. was just lovely - reaching out his pudgy arms and rocking back and forth then nuzzling in like a little lamb.
Now we are back I am trying to get the garden sorted - this actually involves hacking down lots of stuff from my neighbours garden as it has gone a bit mad and she is not well enough to do it. It also involved buying new plants from B&Q - little one sr. amused the shop by saying "are you going to kill it mummy" everytime I picked up a plant.
Anyway, feeling a lot better "in myself" as they say. I think the windsurfing helped - something about doing something new and making yourself tackle it and master it (to a very amateur extent) - it is a good process. Oh, and the sleep helped too.
Haven't had much time to mess about on the internet but I did read this on the lovely Dr Crippens blog
http://nhsblogdoc.blogspot.com/2009/04/nhs-consultants-secret-pay-rises-brown.html#links
Interesting

The best medicine

Feeling a bit better today, thank fuck.
Went to work which was OK - well, apart from the fucktard system of trying to get people admitted.
I was told that a patient waiting on a medical ward had a bed and could I organise the transfer...yup, no problem, that is simple isn't it?
I can't even be arsed to document the process, the phone calls, the stupid questions, the person who works for the same organisation as me saying "I don't know what you expect to do for this patient" - I expect you to admit him because he is on a section 2! Blimey.
All this working for mental health services really puts you off being mentally ill!

Gah!

Today is a bit of a bad day...well, a lot of a bad day. I had been on a good run recently and stupidly didn't renew my antidepressants prescription. Four days off and I am a mess.
Feeling anxious, thoughts of self harm just popping up, guilt, feel ugly...rubbish.

I'll put you on ebay...

Ha become the new refrain in this house, little one sr. is using it as the ultimate threat to his toys and his little brother. I'll put him on ebay if he is not careful. He has been rather good though considering the amount of chocolate he has had this easter, he is currently curled up sleeping like a cat.
Little one jr. is his usual smiling self and continues to grunt like a little pig while he sleeps, if I had known how loud he would be then I never would have bothered with a baby monitor, certainly not a digital, crystal clear, cost more than you want it to one....still at least I can put that on ebay.
Been a bit "wobbly" the last few days, "wobbly" is my euphamism for feeling anxious, on edge and worthless, if you call is feeling "wobbly" then it sounds a bit fluffier, easier to talk about. It doesn't feel fluffy, it feels shit. Being out in the garden helps though. I was sat there last night frog watching, saw two medium sized pale green variegated ones. The frog spawn is breaking down and the tadpoles are getting tails.
I have also enjoyed checking out one the link to photoshop disasters... this is my favourite so far, giggle.

Three days work

Three days pay....the financial reality of the situation is beginning to sink in now. We are going to be pretty breadline until September, then slightly better once little one sr. starts school. Was thinking about how rich we would feel when we don't have to pay child care but then remembered that the children would start demanding better presents than an alarm clock and fireman sam poster. Ah well, Tesco Value range ahoy!
We are having an ebay flurry at the moment, have to see how that works out.
Work was OK today, usual kerfuffling over trying to find services for people, it is all so paltry. There really is very little out there for people who are really struggling with drug and alcohol dependency, living lives which are pretty poor, lonely and confusing. I know I am rich really, just takes a while to realise it sometimes.

Hi ho, hi ho....

It's off to work I go.

I arrived back this morning with a churning tummy, felt very much like it was my first day back at school. Was also slightly worried that I had forgotten everything I ever knew about mental health nursing (this has happened before after a particularly heavy weekend).
After sticking pictures of the kids up over my desk and asking what had changed (nothing apparently) I went out assessing. Patient was lovely woman, very genuine and clearly needed some support - getting this was a different matter.
So I decide she needs referral to the CRHT, they tell me to phone the CMHT, they tell me to phone the CRHT, I phone the CRHT - they accept the referral in principle but I have to actually make the referral to them through the CMHT, so I phone the CMHT again and as the duty worker has gone out I cannot make the referral now thank you. Phone back later and was told to speak to another CMHT. Spoke to them and they only accept referrals by fax, faxed the referral.
The little ones were pleased to see me when I got home which was lovely.

Sometimes being with my children makes me want to drink neat gin

I don't know what to say under this title. I love my children and I am very proud of them but today I would rather stick a drill down my ear canal than supervise tea time - that is why I am up here on the computer and letting them have some quality "Daddy time".
The sickness has gone and it has been a good week. There was a night out for me and the husband, a visit to see the lambs and friends to play for the boys. The garden has the window boxes planted and the garden is beginning to look good again (the chickens have been banished to their run, they look very sad). We also managed a bike ride through the Manifold Valley, the boys looked great on their bike seats and I was most pleased that little one sr would rather ride on the back of my bike as "Daddys bottom smells", ha!
Little one jr has fallen in love with his swimming teacher, he has asked me to ask her to marry him and what her favourite colour and number are. He likes green and four and will definitely marry her.
Saw this man in a local pub on Tuesday, v. good.