Wednesday 26 August 2009

Yummy Mummy

Well we had our summer holidays, small thatched cottage near a pooh stick bridge and a short drive to swanage and lulworth cove. Was nice, even the bit where we tried to cook live lobsters with little one Sr hiding under the table screaming - well actually that was a bit wrong but what can you do.

I am really looking forward to little one Sr starting school, not just because it is a milestone and because he will look so sweet in his little uniform but because he is driving me mad.
In the last 15 minutes we have had:-
"Mum, look! You can go down the stairs head first and still have teeth"
"Why do you lie about crisps"
"Steam means hot - I don't want my food to be hot"
"My food is cold, I don't want my food to be cold"
"AAAAAARGH"
"Why does he get strawberries"
"I don't want any strawberries now"
"I don't like that banana, can i open another one"

through a chink in the skirting is a parallel universe where I wear Cath Kidston and my house smells of fresh baking. This is my kitchen:-



I have actually been productive today, one swimming lesson, two playdates, lunch for six and everything sorted for the evening meal - just need to bath the little ones and then make a fancy dress costume and a lot of biscuits for camping at the weekend. Just thinking about it makes me want to drink wine and have a fag but you can't sew like that so I best crack on with it all.

Thinking about Davids last summer by Pulp - that time of year again. Can't find it on Youtube - bugger!

Tuesday 11 August 2009

GBH

hello

I have been thinking a lot about drugs recently - not as a way to get through the summer holidays and I have half the neighbourhood kids round.
Yesterday I encountered my first GHB withdrawal - I was shocked and after ten years of working in the field I am not often shocked. The night before I had been watching Louis Therouxs very sad program about crystal meth.

Scary stuff.

Saturday 25 July 2009

Volume

Have been a very good Mum today and done all manner of mumly things with the boys and we are all now happy and covered in mud - was danger mum and sent the little one jr down some crazy slides with just little one sr to catch him. Also did bike riding and gardening. Little one sr driving me really mad by just being loud - doors a slamming, all a shouting, it is horrible. He has actually been a little star today but I do wish he had a volume control - or a mute button.
Am perhaps a little irritable and pre-menstrual today, I kind of realised this when I was singing "chuggington, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking Chuggington".
Not much to report, seen some good films recently. Most jaw dropping was "The Wrestler"
Ah - just remembered that I have to tell the husband that I have broken the greenhouse door.

Wednesday 8 July 2009

Parents Evenings

Little one sr is being brilliant at the moment, telling me i look nice, telling his Dad that he is great, playing nicely with everyone and just generally being an absolute star.
Little one jr is turning out to be very good at smiling and then burrowing his head down and giving coy glances. He is also getting good at throwing stuff, marvellous at it - A*.
Apart from that we have been slipping into getting the beers and fags out when the kids are in bed, entirely the wrong kind of parents evenings.
Anyway, we are bucking our ideas up and going to be clean, serene and all excercised up. I haven't done Brenda Dycrap for a week and fear she will shout at me when I next put the DVD on.

This made me laugh this week

Thursday 2 July 2009

don't buy this

but by all means watch the advert!



we had little one Sr. first parents evening tonight and yeah we were so impressed that I am almost ashamed to talk about it but I have to admit that he cannot yet hip hop until he don't stop and for that I would like to give the evian babies kudos.

Tuesday 30 June 2009

School stuff

All at sixes and sevens about starting school, we have a school place at a good school but Little one Sr (and me) fancy another one. It has a good hill that you can scooter down and lots of his friends go. The other one is on the way to Husbands work and I have been put off by the fact that none of the other Mums there seem not to want to speak to me (infact there was even some muttering that it was a shame that children from "the estate" making the class sizes too big).

Loving the whole party and play date etiquette. Little one Sr took his friend a bunch of flowers and some eggs and in return has had a lovely homemade thank you card. I think later we will make her an invitation to our house. It is funny that we encourage our children to use a level if courtesy worthy of victorian society whereas I just say "Ta" and communicate via facebook.

Little one jr had a party at the weekend and was given lots of toys, he has developed a passion for some small wooden horses and goes mental if he does not have one in each hand. The thing that they are meant to do is hide inside the "mummy horse" but the look of horror on his face when I put his little horses in the big horse was something to behold and I think we will just have to let him crawl along covering them in snot, dirt and dribble instead.

Today I am listening to Kate Bush, bonkers and beautiful genius.

Monday 29 June 2009

Pork pies for breakfast

Feeling very sorry for self today. Had a party for little one jr yesterday. It was very nice in the sunshine with old friends and new babies. Of course after they went to bed (the new babies) we drank to much. Well actually I drank to much because what seems a normal amount of alcohol to other people makes me "tramp drunk". Anyway, I fell asleep on the lawn and did not want to wake up this morning.

I am being very slack indeed today and after dropping Little one Sr. at nursery I have put little one jr. in at the childminder and I am home alone eating left over pork pies for breakfast and contemplating the cleaning/washing/ironing.

Would like to see this

Friday 19 June 2009

Brenda is the don

Well, I have lost a bit of weight. Largely due to this over sinewy lycra clad goddess of indeterminate age

YOUR BODY DESERVES THIS GREAT WORKOUT - in italian!

A flurry of activity and then silence

That is what has happened on this blog so far

Good things recently

I saved a baby sparrow from the cat
Springwatch filmed at Jims work
I met my nephew Lorne
Little one sr. has started visiting his new school and loves it
Little one jr. has had his first birthday
The vegetables are growing nicely and the garden is flourishing
Little one sr. spontaneously told his Dad that he was lucky that he was his Dad!

This sums up life right now



Enjoying baths with the kids, playing on the lawn, stories about trains.

Loved going to London and the dusty heat of the underground trains, it reminded me of when I moved there when I was 17 - All full of possibility and thinking that my life could be like a novel. It isn't like a novel, not even a really slow joanna trollope job but I like it.

Monday 18 May 2009

Living Doll

Went to a lovely wedding this weekend. It was lovely in itself, in terms of the way the day was organised, the venue, the food, etc but the nicest thing was that our friends are ridiculously in love and feel truly blessed to have each other.
The little ones scrubbed up well and remained clean for around half an hour, the jr started looking for worms to eat and sr went slime fishing with his new wedding friend. His new wedding friend was a very pretty little girl who at the age of five had already developed some pretty impressive womanly wiles and managed to convince sr to spend his pocket money on a chocolate lolly for her!
Am poorly today so little one jr is at childminders and I am at home. Been t'internetting and found this freaky gem. I guess this guy should be politely referred to as eccentric, it is funny but the last few seconds have an almost unbearable pathos.

Sunday 10 May 2009

Been a while

But I have been very busy...

Been OK though, not entirely sure what I have been up to but one of the best things has been that the chickens have moved next door, they now have their own little patch of rough woodland to scratch about in and look much happier - well they actually look the same, I am just assuming they are happy because I would be if I were them.
Little ones Sr and Jr. are fine and dandy. Sr has spent the entire weekend in fancy dress so he is very dandy and Jr has had a lot of fuss so he is very fine.
Spent Friday night getting hammered and chatting up the Husband, he came home with me so I have definitely still got it.
Of course Saturday bought a childrens party which is a world of pain with a hangover. Sr did me proud in that he actually detatched himself from my leg and joined in. Jr just crawled around picking up stuff from the floor rather like a slightly less bidable Roomba.

I do think he is probably less trouble than a Roomba, he is so bloody quiet and undemanding I keep forgetting I have him. Don't think he would make a good cat ride though.

Monday 27 April 2009

OK Magazine and Cream Cakes

Rainy today, not neccesarily a bad thing as I was planning to do some outside exercise today and I can use it as an excuse if I don't want to go.
Today I have no children, I have just done a bumper shop at Tesco and managed to put three paperbacks, two body moisturisers, one face moisturiser, OK Magazine, two cream apple turnovers and some perfume in the trolley. Actually feeling a bit bad about that now as am meant to be reining in the spending.
Got home to find a big dog poo right outside my front gate, maybe someone does not like me and trained their dog to do that or maybe somebody actually just let their dog do that and thought "ah, well" and just carried on up the road. Not sure which is worse.
So, next thing to do is the cleaning of the house and after that is the exercise and then is the cleaning, exfoliating, depilation and moisturing of the self. I am modelling for a life class tonight and it is the first time I have done it when I am not pregnant. Suprising how much my body has changed over the last five years, After my first pregnancy I was just a bit bigger and carried more weight in the area between my hips and waist. After this pregnancy my tummy is slack and round and my breasts are lower. Maybe cream cakes are not the answer.
Exercise I think - rain or no rain!

Thursday 23 April 2009

back to all that

I am now returned from my short break, we did sleeping in, staying up late and windsurfing, t'was good. Missed the kids though, honest! I would write more about where we have been but I am scared that if everyone found out about it then they would all go and we wouldn't be able to go anymore. It is the sort of place where you can cook on a fire, sing at the top of your voice and go skinny dipping (I didn't - it is April) and nobody would know because you cannot see another living soul!
Lovely to see the boys on our return, little one sr. was bound to be enthusiastic (he knows we bring gifts when we go away!) but little one jr. was just lovely - reaching out his pudgy arms and rocking back and forth then nuzzling in like a little lamb.
Now we are back I am trying to get the garden sorted - this actually involves hacking down lots of stuff from my neighbours garden as it has gone a bit mad and she is not well enough to do it. It also involved buying new plants from B&Q - little one sr. amused the shop by saying "are you going to kill it mummy" everytime I picked up a plant.
Anyway, feeling a lot better "in myself" as they say. I think the windsurfing helped - something about doing something new and making yourself tackle it and master it (to a very amateur extent) - it is a good process. Oh, and the sleep helped too.
Haven't had much time to mess about on the internet but I did read this on the lovely Dr Crippens blog
http://nhsblogdoc.blogspot.com/2009/04/nhs-consultants-secret-pay-rises-brown.html#links
Interesting

Saturday 18 April 2009

The best medicine

Feeling a bit better today, thank fuck.
Went to work which was OK - well, apart from the fucktard system of trying to get people admitted.
I was told that a patient waiting on a medical ward had a bed and could I organise the transfer...yup, no problem, that is simple isn't it?
I can't even be arsed to document the process, the phone calls, the stupid questions, the person who works for the same organisation as me saying "I don't know what you expect to do for this patient" - I expect you to admit him because he is on a section 2! Blimey.
All this working for mental health services really puts you off being mentally ill!

Friday 17 April 2009

Gah!

Today is a bit of a bad day...well, a lot of a bad day. I had been on a good run recently and stupidly didn't renew my antidepressants prescription. Four days off and I am a mess.
Feeling anxious, thoughts of self harm just popping up, guilt, feel ugly...rubbish.

Sunday 12 April 2009

I'll put you on ebay...

Ha become the new refrain in this house, little one sr. is using it as the ultimate threat to his toys and his little brother. I'll put him on ebay if he is not careful. He has been rather good though considering the amount of chocolate he has had this easter, he is currently curled up sleeping like a cat.
Little one jr. is his usual smiling self and continues to grunt like a little pig while he sleeps, if I had known how loud he would be then I never would have bothered with a baby monitor, certainly not a digital, crystal clear, cost more than you want it to one....still at least I can put that on ebay.
Been a bit "wobbly" the last few days, "wobbly" is my euphamism for feeling anxious, on edge and worthless, if you call is feeling "wobbly" then it sounds a bit fluffier, easier to talk about. It doesn't feel fluffy, it feels shit. Being out in the garden helps though. I was sat there last night frog watching, saw two medium sized pale green variegated ones. The frog spawn is breaking down and the tadpoles are getting tails.
I have also enjoyed checking out one the link to photoshop disasters... this is my favourite so far, giggle.

Wednesday 8 April 2009

Three days work

Three days pay....the financial reality of the situation is beginning to sink in now. We are going to be pretty breadline until September, then slightly better once little one sr. starts school. Was thinking about how rich we would feel when we don't have to pay child care but then remembered that the children would start demanding better presents than an alarm clock and fireman sam poster. Ah well, Tesco Value range ahoy!
We are having an ebay flurry at the moment, have to see how that works out.
Work was OK today, usual kerfuffling over trying to find services for people, it is all so paltry. There really is very little out there for people who are really struggling with drug and alcohol dependency, living lives which are pretty poor, lonely and confusing. I know I am rich really, just takes a while to realise it sometimes.

Monday 6 April 2009

Hi ho, hi ho....

It's off to work I go.

I arrived back this morning with a churning tummy, felt very much like it was my first day back at school. Was also slightly worried that I had forgotten everything I ever knew about mental health nursing (this has happened before after a particularly heavy weekend).
After sticking pictures of the kids up over my desk and asking what had changed (nothing apparently) I went out assessing. Patient was lovely woman, very genuine and clearly needed some support - getting this was a different matter.
So I decide she needs referral to the CRHT, they tell me to phone the CMHT, they tell me to phone the CRHT, I phone the CRHT - they accept the referral in principle but I have to actually make the referral to them through the CMHT, so I phone the CMHT again and as the duty worker has gone out I cannot make the referral now thank you. Phone back later and was told to speak to another CMHT. Spoke to them and they only accept referrals by fax, faxed the referral.
The little ones were pleased to see me when I got home which was lovely.

Saturday 4 April 2009

Sometimes being with my children makes me want to drink neat gin

I don't know what to say under this title. I love my children and I am very proud of them but today I would rather stick a drill down my ear canal than supervise tea time - that is why I am up here on the computer and letting them have some quality "Daddy time".
The sickness has gone and it has been a good week. There was a night out for me and the husband, a visit to see the lambs and friends to play for the boys. The garden has the window boxes planted and the garden is beginning to look good again (the chickens have been banished to their run, they look very sad). We also managed a bike ride through the Manifold Valley, the boys looked great on their bike seats and I was most pleased that little one sr would rather ride on the back of my bike as "Daddys bottom smells", ha!
Little one jr has fallen in love with his swimming teacher, he has asked me to ask her to marry him and what her favourite colour and number are. He likes green and four and will definitely marry her.
Saw this man in a local pub on Tuesday, v. good.

Sunday 29 March 2009

Lap of honour

There are some days that when we have finally got both children into bed we feel like running round the house with our arms above our heads like winning olympians, wo don't do this - it is only three bedroom semi and chances are you would stub your toe on a toy tractor or something.
So great that the clocks have gone forward - I also managed my first bike ride in more than a year (was banned from bike riding in pregnancy due to low lying placenta). I had little one jr on the back, felt like I was hauling a elephant behind me which is suprising as he is only on the 25th centile for weight.

This weeks project is window boxes....

Saturday 28 March 2009

Swap shop

Had nearly a whole day without little one sr. today which was odd. We talked on the phone because we missed each other. He was too poorly to go to his friends party so I "represented" him. Got to hang out with the parents and eat pizza. We were discussing childbirth a bit and got to realising two things:-
1. There seems to be some sort of weird thing going on where having you baby with less pain relief is seen as somehow "better" and women who have had assisted births/cesarians are left feeling as if they didn't try hard enough and have not done birth "properly". Birth seems to be seen increasingly as some sort of "experience" which has a value beyond getting a baby out safely.
2. You should never discuss childbirth infront of your mates new boyfriend.
Went to a clothes swap this afternoon, was v. good, I got a new hairdryer, dress, scarf, top that doesn't fit. Am currently considering having my own clothes swap to get rid of top that does not fit and get more stuff. Also have experienced the delights of the home chocolate fountain. Little one had his first chocolate covered strawberry, not sure that Annabelle Karmel would approve.

Friday 27 March 2009

Ain't no doubt

Well, the rivers of vomit continue but I did go and get a new washer, trying really hard not to mind about the cost - particularly as work have only paid me half a months wages.
Was a bit disappointed when I got home and the husband was lying on the floor and being all moany and poorly. He was genuinely sick but I did have to stop myself from telling him that unless he was dead he could get up and plumb the sodding washer in anyway.
Friend came round last night which was good, I managed to knock up a semi decent Moussaka and have some lager and I feel much more sane today. I was so looking forward to seeing an actual adult that I must have got a bit manic when answering the door, the milkman knocked on just a few minutes before friend and I think I scared him with my big grin and "HI!!!", he just said "£6.38".
Husband is at off work today so I could actually phone people without the kids shouting at me. I phoned three friends who have recently had babies, two were in tears and the other one was slightly hysterical. We ended up discussing Jimmy Nail, she felt she did not hear enough of Jimmy Nail and I recommended that she listen to Radio 2 as his hits are featured suprisingly often.
Altogether now...."she's lying"

Of course she is lying Jimmy, what is a girl meant to say "sorry love, I am leaving you for someone with a smaller nose".

Thursday 26 March 2009

Tea and Toast

Little one sr. is poorly now. Bless him, he is really struggling and can't even hold the calpol down. He is sitting on the big bucket chair at the moment, frowning and chucking out questions like "why does glass break and plastic bend?" and "why can't I use the bleach spray to clean?", he can be a bit leftfield sometimes.
Little one jr. seems very happy to have recovered and is spending lots of time shouting and smiling.
Still haven't got round to planting my new plants, it is raining now and due to the washer still not being fixed I am wearing a mini dress inappropriate for a thursday at home, add poorly child to the mix and doing the gardening is seeming increasingly unlikely.
Back to work in less than two weeks, not sure how I feel about this. Partly some relief at being able to get out a bit more and partly guilt/gut wrench from the kids.
I do like my job, feel lucky to have it but find the system I work in increasingly frustrating. It actually feels like there are systems in place to stop the NHS from working effectively, putting staff in the position where they are squabbling about the boundaries of their own responsibility rather than actually ensuring that the patients receive appropriate and timely treatment.
Currently there is a phrase in use "care in the least restrictive environment", this means "care in the cheapest environment", and is used to encourage you to take "therapeutic risks" which are really just "risks".
I sometimes get the feeling that the job I do should really be done by a doctor, not that the quality of assessment would neccesarily be better (although doctors as a general rule to have a depth and breadth of knowledge that most nurses do not) but because "the management" still have some respect for the medical profession and do not subject them to the same pressure to downplay their assessments. Still despite not always being able to provide a much more than barely adequate service I can still give people in distress tea and thick white buttered toast and that is something that doctors seldom do. Management would probably not approve of the toast, the tea and toast is probably "off message". I keep quiet about the tea and toast.


Oh - and the washer has been condemned....bugger!

Tuesday 24 March 2009

Spring

It is flippin gorgeous outside today. The sun is shining, breeze is blowing and there is a fat brown frog sat in the pond beside a bobbly mass of frogspawn.
Little one sr. in a very good mood this morning, telling his Dad off "Daddy you are taking soooo long I don't believe it!". Little one jr. hasn't vomited yet and all is good with the world.

Monday 23 March 2009

Gifts

Had a funny old week. Little one jr. started vomiting profusely on the journey down to Wales and continued to do so for a couple of days until he was a floppy whimpering mess. We went home in an ambulance - well, we went to hospital in an ambulance and then home in my aunties car.
Our stay in hospital was OK, got the usual impression that the staff were nice, busy and didn't communicate much with each other - or me. Anyway, little one had gastro-enteritus and was very dehydrated. 24hrs and a drip later and he was sat up smiling.
Little one jr. does not seem a whole lot better now he is home and is still not tolerating much in terms of fluids or food - it all comes out again. I went doctor bothering again last night but they think he is doing OK.
Glad it was only a 24hr hospital stay as it was little one sr's birthday yesterday. We celebrated in pirate style with lots of noise and only one bout of tears. Brilliant! He loved his new bike, his globe and a remote control Wall.e.
Anyway little one sr made me smile when he said "poor Ol, all he got was gastro-entiritus".
Had to put this on as it is just ace.

Tuesday 17 March 2009

New School

Well, we got our first choice primary school, I was really pleased to find this out but then immediately worried that maybe it was not the right school after all. I do this all the time, I am mental. Anyway, it is good as at least we will not be going to the school we are in the catchment area which is not doing so well. I have spent lots of time reading ofsted reports, visiting schools and thinking about this so yesterday was a BIG day, felt like when I got my GCSE results lots of years ago.
Looking forward to seeing little one sr. in his school uniform.
There are men downstairs putting a new window in for us, one of them is singing "I just can't get enough", if he walks around singing like that I am suprised he gets any.
Very busy today doing the organising for little one sr. b'day party and have to buy him some pressies too. Am also packaging up little one jrs. old stuff to send to other newer little boys. It is lovely to write their names on the parcel and think about a brand new little person.
Was listening to Annie Lennox mess with this old Ash song, felt quite cross with her. I found the proper one and it reminded me of carefree days. Good.

Thursday 12 March 2009

The wrong trousers 2

Managed to lose a chicken on Monday, not an alive chicken, I actually would have been less annoyed about that as they can walk so there is a feasible reason why they should disappear. I bought one of those expensive pre-stuffed supermarket chickens as a treat for husbands birthday and I swear I bought it into the house but I can't find it, bloddy expensive too, bugger.
Husband had a good birthday having managed to justify the procurement of more expensive geek stuff to play with.
Boys well, Little one sr. kicking my arse as usual, he actually said "don't tell me anything mummy, I already know all the stuff", great to know he has a good attitude to learning from others. Am concerned about how the teenage years will go.
Am currently obsessed with the whole Julie Myerson thing, very funny - imagine writing a book about your son being violent, thieving, drug pushing scum and then going on Newsnight looking really fey and suprised about the fuss. Was watching her interview with Mr Paxman thinking maybe it wasn't the skunk, maybe he is just a bit of a sod and maybe you just pecked his head too much and maybe if I had to live with you I would punch you so hard I perforated your eardrums too.
Cress heads now afrotastic, have also planted up the chillis, tomatoes and flowers in the green house, dug the borders and chucked a load of chicken poo on the veg beds.

Monday 9 March 2009

The wrong trousers

I think we are all better now, very dramatic tummy bug that totalled everyone except me - not sure if I have some sort of uber-immunity or whether it is just that I am the only one who washes their hands after going to the loo.
The cress heads are growing well as is the little nephew. My sister seems to have taken to motherhood well and I am getting misty eyed remembering the first few days and weeks of being a Mum. I remember going into labour on a fairly grey day and coming out a week later to masses of daffodils and cherry blossom, I was very over emotional and cried when my husband told me that he had seen a baby lamb that was bigger than little one sr. I was so bowled over with the sweetness of it all, if I could go back to speak to myself then I would probably tell myself to belt up and stockpile gin.
Husbands birthday tomorrow, have bought some nice stuff for him, I went shopping without little one sr. who was really unhelpful when I was choosing husbands christmas presents "No mummy, put that back, he wants a blu-ray player".
Am going to attempt to do some useful practical stuff today, however am wearing best jeans and others not clean so not sure whether to do gardening or not. Think I have possibly now discovered most facile ever excuse "I was unable to do the housework as I am dressed too nicely". Am beginning to suspect that Mrs Beckham has a plan.....

Friday 6 March 2009

Missing friends

All the boys have been poorly, little one sr. became ill on his way home from nursery, he asked me if there was anything in the car he could be sick into, I thought he was being silly so took the hat off his head and handed it to him - he filled it brim full.
A few hours later the husband came home and was very sick too.
Little one jr. continued to be sick.
Sick ahoy, husband and little one sr. had matching buckets and towels, it was pretty nasty and smelled awful. I hid downstairs with little one jr who was recovering nicely - had a microwave meal and watched Prime Suspect.
I am unaffected by this gastric hell and am pretty amused by the stoicism of the children and the whimpering of my husband.
Anyway, I missed a couple more nights out which is not good, was hoping to get to the dog racing and see some old friends tonight - it has been a year since I last saw them and I am beginning to realise that at some point the invitations will dry up.
Did manage to do the cress heads though

Wednesday 4 March 2009

All hail

Up at 5am today when little one jrs morning shouts became a bit more distressed and gurgly than usual, poor thing was covered in sick. It was orange with small chunks and remarkably similar to the "Heinz baby pork and mango casserole" that I spooned into him last night. He followed this with some pretty nasty looking diarrohoea, poor lamb was in such a state, I didn't know whether to give him a big cuddle or scrub him with vim.
He continued to throw up and spray poo for most of the day but being a stoical little thing he kept smiling. Little one sr. helped with his nursing care "quick mummy, I think he pooed on his face again, wipe him, wipe him" but it all got a bit smelly and he was reduced to hiding in the next room and shouting "get well soon" as loud as he could.
Todays swimming lesson went well in that there were no nail marks in the swimming teacher. We were also in the happy situation of telling the reception lady how lovely the swim teacher was when she told us it was her daughter and she was really proud of her, bless!
Apart from that we went to the hills as it appeared to be snowing up there and it was, not proper snow but great big icy hail stones, we sat in the car dancing to Kanye and listening to the hail. We came back down after and it was sunny enough to go out and plant some nastirtiums.
Cress heads tomorrow!

Tuesday 3 March 2009

Achievements

My new nephew is three days old now and apparently just lovely, my sister sounds very happy with him but with all the usual shell shock of the new parent.
I still have the shell shock and little one sr. is four soon.
Still feeling a bit down today, I meant to do stuff and achieve things but the reality is that my auntie came round, then it was nursery pick up, dinner, feeding of the little one jr. and bugger me if it isn't half past three. Am now wondering if driving to Sainsburys to buy a packet of my favourite biscuits (triple chocolate cookies) counts as an acheivement or not.

Sunday 1 March 2009

Golden boy

My sister had her baby last night, she had him at home and although it did hurt a lot it was not at all like having her leg cut off. She is very happy and feeling deservedly proud of herself and her newborn son.

Friday 27 February 2009

Read the notes please...

Bugger, am now really ill, properly bone tired poorly.
Had a good day yesterday, mainly because I pottered in the garden and painted a "Fire Station" sign for little one sr.
Had a bad day yesterday because I had to see a mad gynaecologist and watched crimewatch.
The gynaecologist I have met before when I had a miscarriage, she was terrible then. I had just come out of the scan that had showed a sad empty sac rather than the nine week twitching tiny embryo that we were hoping for. Anyway she was convinced that all the evidence meant that I was pregnant but just not as far along. Luckily I am not a numpty so realised that I would not have conceived three weeks after ovulation and after a postive pregnancy test. I was unable to convince her of this.
The thing was yesterday that she had not read the notes, OK, I appreciate that the docs can't read every damn thing in the notes but questions like "you have had one normal delivery yes?" when I have had two abnormal ones do not inspire you.
The internal was grimmer than, at one point she was shouting "squeeze my finger - More!"...I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

Wednesday 25 February 2009

The vapours

Blooming poorly - properly so, got the shivers and then fell down the stairs. Feel all weak and helpless like a victorian heroine with the vapours.
Was meant to be going to the pictures yesterday evening but did not make it - I thought I might have a pick me up power nap before setting off but husband cancelled for me on the grounds that when he tried to wake me I just kept asking him if the actress Julia McKenzie was in Rent-a-ghost.
Was very heartened to learn that Little one sr. is able to draw a picture of himself with a body, apparently lots of children his age just do a head with arms and legs. He is obviously some sort of genius, sadly his self portrait did not include a face but did boast an oesophagus, he is a lovely little weirdo.
Little one jr. being usual robust self - we ended up doing controlled crying with him last night as I was completely unable to get up and husband was completely unwilling to. Anyway, he shouted for a bit and eventually we all fell asleep as the birds began to sing. I went in to get him this morning and the little monkey had got hold of his baby monitor and had been shouting right down it, he was all smiles so no harm done.
Todays picture is of some plastic hens, they are £6 each from hen and hammock, made of recycled plastic and would definitely make husband snort his tea if I bought any. Am considering replacing the real chickens with these. We got the real chickens after I read an effusive article about garden chicken keeping, I was expecting the birds to cluck neatly around picking the slugs from amongst the plants, I was wrong - Bloody lying journalists but who was to know (it was Gardeners World not News of World). Garden now a poo covered half eaten shadow of former self.....Plastic chickens ahoy.

Tuesday 24 February 2009

P P P P P P P P Pancake Day

Was suprised this morning by little one sr. staggering into the room, collapsing dramatically on the floor and telling me that he "needed pancakes", I didn't know it was Shrove Tuesday. Tried to persuade little one sr. to give up whinging for lent - he didn't look convinced. Actually managed to make both children look less feral than normal and fed the big one pancakes before arriving slightly early for nursery - further cemented good mummy status by reading to little one sr. in the waiting room with full on sound effects "Emergency, House on Fire - Whee ooo, Whee ooo, Whee ooo".
We are continuiing the reluctant weaning of little one jr. He is completely obsessed with boobs and nipples, even giving the husbands an optimistic tweak occasionally.
I am thinking about calling for the woman across the road who has a baby and seeing if she wants to come to Mums and Tots with me today. This seems a very scary prospect right now, I don't really know her and she is from round here so she already has friends, she might think I am weird. Little one jr. is sat next to me and giggling every time I catch his eye - I think he might like a little friend who lives nearby so I should really make the effort.
Saw this in Monsoon recently, tried it on and loved it - all before realising it cost £95 - shame, think it is too nice to end up in the sale.

Monday 23 February 2009

Quiet time

Quiet day today which is just as well because I had two beers last night and am feeling fuzzy.
Husband phoned to say hello and ask what we were planning to do today. It is just me and the little one jr. so we are doing nothing. Well mostly we have been snuggling and smiling at one another.
I only have a few weeks left of maternity leave. The time that I have had off so far has been difficult as I have had post natal depression and horrible anxiety. I have decided that the time off work I have left is precious so we are not going to any baby massage, gym babes or jabberjacks - we are going to play together at home.
Little one jr is lovely, greedy and smiles easily - we have just spent an hour lying on the bed making each other laugh. He looks a bit like me. We love hanging out with each other my boy and me.
Little one Sr. is back at the school nursery today, he was reluctant to go, he is still feeling like the new boy. Still, I have had more feedback, more pictures and he has learnt more in three weeks at his new place than two terms at his old nursery so off he went.
I really want to see this at the pictures

Easier said than done - the last film the husband went to see was this and he loved it.

Sunday 22 February 2009

on the gas

Feeling a bit discombulated after a day of cooking and visitors. Four kids, four adults, Jamies' pot roast meatloaf, microwave treacle sponge, custard, spagetti hoops, beans and cheese on toast, egg friend rice and a whole heap of trouble later and I am pretty near shattered.
Just found out that I can cut my days at work down to three a week, pleased but a bit terrified financially speaking.
Anyway still no baby but here is something that cheers me up

MORNING!!!

I am so rubbish at giving my husband a lie in, I just can't help it - the children shout, I drop things, noise is made. He has finally relented and just got up. I don't do it on purpose - honest.

Saturday 21 February 2009

Not trying hard enough

Good day today.

Started off with a fantastic lie in and then when I did get up all the boys were in a good mood. Little one Sr. was full of the joys of spring and was chatting on about broadleafs and evergreens, he bought home a tiny twig with some buds on and told me that it was pointing to the spring time - bless him. Little one Jr. just looked confused and grabbed my boobs.
It is looking pretty springy now which is a suprise as it was only a week or so ago that it was fricking artic. My sisters due date today so not just the trees that are full of life and ready to flower.
Obviously childbirth was on my mind today. My sister is planning a home birth in water and has been doing lots of yoga and such like, she has read about childbirth ad nauseum and is pretty much as prepared as one can be....except for the pain thing - bless her, she went to the labour unit to look around and over heard someone in labour, she said they sounded like they were having their leg cut off, it wasn't that bad surely? What do you say? I am beginning to fear that the yoga teacher and doula have been giving her unrealistic expectations. It hurt like hell when I gave birth - perhaps I just wasn't trying hard enough?
Anyway, while husband lying in bed eating bovril on toast (well known cure for man flu) I have been looking on the internet for treasure...have found this